


And for that I hate you

by AnUnhealthyDoseOfAngst



Series: Ivar x Ylva [7]
Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bloodlust couple gets in a really bad fight, F/M, Implied Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, THIS IS NOT WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP LOOKS LIKE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:44:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnUnhealthyDoseOfAngst/pseuds/AnUnhealthyDoseOfAngst
Summary: @brightlycoloredteacups asked me about whether or not Ylva would go to therapy and if Ivar would encourage her to get help. And since I was made of angst at the moment that she asked me, I came up with this. I am so sorry.





	And for that I hate you

Ivar sits in the couch, staring at the worn out book in his hands. Ylva doesn’t get the chance to say hi before he speaks.

“Where were you?” There’s an edge to his voice. She can’t interpret it, is unsure if he’s mad, worried or just stressed. Stepping closer, Ylva tests the water by running a hand down his arm. His lips twitch.

“Sigyn and I went for a walk,” Ylva says softly “great weather today.” Ivar hums, nodding slowly.

“And did you see much of the  _great weather_  while sitting in the community center basement?” Ylva’s hand stills at his shoulder.

“Ivar-” She starts. He snaps his head up to look at her and she goes quiet.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ylva’s hand falls back to her side. She wants to say something, she really does, but she feels frozen to the ground. Her silence doesn’t improve his mood.

“You just go around telling everyone that will listen? Opening up to complete strangers.” His voice is venomous, making her shrink. This is exactly what she was afraid of.

“I thought you told me because you trusted me,” Ivar continues “That it meant something special. Clearly, I was wrong.”

“You are wrong.” Ylva whispers. Ivar pauses. He leans forward, raising an eyebrow at her.

“What?” He asks. She stands up straighter, speaking clearly this time.

“I don’t talk to  _just anyone_.” Ivar scoffs at that. Ylva can tell that he’s about to make another spiteful comment and she cuts him off.

“It took me weeks to even write in one of the forums. The first time I said something other than just my name in the support group, I’d already been going there for almost two months. I’d eaten lunch with Jenny, made sure that Lars gave Jelena a ride back home. Each of those girls matter to me.” Ivar barks out a laughter.

“Isn’t that nice,” He mocks “My wife’s been sneaking around behind my back for- what, five months? Six months?” Heat rushes to Ylva’s cheeks and she can’t stop her gaze from dropping to the floor. The shame that is radiating off of her is impossible to miss. Ivar lets out a hiss, making her look up again. His upper lip is curled into a snarl.

“No,” Ivar shakes his head “it’s been even longer, hasn’t it?” Ylva wipes away tears with her fingertips, smearing her glasses in the process.

“Why are you making it sound like I’m cheating?” She croaks. He slams the book down on the coffee table with a resounding thud.

“Aren’t you?!” Ylva  jumps, taking a step back but Ivar is too far gone in his anger to even reflect on the fact that she’s scared.

“Don’t yell at me.” She warns, the grip on her cane tight enough for her knuckles to go white.

“You might not have fucked someone else but you are certainly getting your  _emotional needs_  fulfilled elsewhere.” The way he drawls ‘emotional needs’ sends a fresh wave of anger through her, like lightning.

“I’m allowed to have friends, Ivar. Just because I’m the only one who can put up with your shit-”

“Don’t talk to me like that.” He interrupts, eyes growing colder by the second.

“Ivar, I appreciate everything that you do for me but you can’t be my only support system!” Ylva shuffles closer until she’s practically screaming in his face.

“When you’re out of town, I have no one to help me. And what if you die, or if you leave me - what am I supposed to do then?”

“Stop making excuses,” Ivar snaps “this is about you thinking that I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not making excuses, I’m telling you the truth. Those girls can help me in a way that you can’t. Because they understand, something that you’ll never be able to-”

“And you don’t understand what this is like,” Ivar cuts her off again. He gestures at his legs “but you don’t see me running around, crying to others about it.” A flick switches in Ylva’s head. He has said some pretty despicable things before but this hits harder than anything else that he’s spat out during a fight.

“And that is your loss. It is not my fault that you’re too stuck up to ask someone for help. But of course you have to find some way to make it all about you-” He opens his mouth to speak but she stops him, jabbing a finger at his chest “-and for that I hate you.” Ivar’s mouth twitches again and the words come pouring out before he can stop them.

“Well, that’s too bad because I’m the only one who’s ever going to love you.” He realizes his mistake before he’s even finished the sentence. For one long second everything is quiet. Then Ylva shivers. The next thing he knows she’s shuffling out of the room as fast as she can, not even bothering with trying to muffle her sobs. He murmurs her name but even if she hears it she doesn’t react. The door slams shut behind her. Ivar’s head falls back against the couch cushions and he curses into the empty air. As much as he wants to follow her, he knows from experience that she’ll only be more upset if he does. So he picks up the book, rereading the same page over and over without understanding a word of it, until it’s time for bed. Ivar wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans, then knocks on their bedroom door. It doesn’t surprise him that there’s no response. He waits another few seconds before entering, the beginning of an apology already coming from his mouth. Ivar stops in the doorway. The bed is empty.


End file.
